When the Turkey Isn’t the Only Thing Getting Stuffed: The Mental Health Hangover of Thanksgiving

Ah, Thanksgiving. That magical day when we all pretend to love togetherness, gratitude, and carbs equally. It’s the one time of year we gather around a table, eat until we can’t feel our legs, and smile politely while Aunt Karen asks if we’ve “met anyone special” yet — as if your relationship status is a side dish.

The truth? The turkey isn’t the only thing roasting on Thanksgiving — our brains are, too.

We’ve been sold a Norman Rockwell version of the holiday: cozy family moments, perfect pies, a roaring fire, and everyone pausing to reflect on what they’re thankful for. But somewhere between delayed flights, passive-aggressive family comments, and existential dread over how much the groceries cost this year, the whole thing starts to feel less “heartwarming” and more “psychological endurance test.”

According to the American Psychological Association, nearly 9 in 10 Americans say the holidays cause significant stress — primarily due to financial pressure, family conflict, and feeling like there just isn’t enough time to do it all (APA, 2023). So if your brain feels like mashed potatoes this time of year, you’re in good company.

But the most fascinating part? The holiday that’s supposed to make us feel grateful actually does the opposite for many people. Thanksgiving activates what psychologists call the happiness mandate — the unspoken rule that says you should feel joyful, grateful, and connected, even if you secretly want to hide in the pantry with a pie tin and your AirPods.

That kind of emotional pressure can make you feel defective for not being “in the spirit.” And the irony? The harder you try to force gratitude, the less authentic it feels. Studies show that performative gratitude — saying you’re thankful because you should — doesn’t provide the mental health benefits that real, internally motivated gratitude does. In fact, it can lead to guilt, resentment, and emotional fatigue (Journal of Happiness Studies, 2024).

Then there’s the grief that sneaks in like an uninvited guest. For those who’ve lost loved ones, Thanksgiving can be a harsh reminder of who isn’t there. A 2023 report from the National Alliance on Mental Illness noted a spike in depressive symptoms and loneliness around the holidays, especially among people dealing with loss, family estrangement, or life transitions. So while the world tells you to “count your blessings,” your heart might just be counting who’s missing — and that’s okay.

Let’s not forget the body image side of things. Thanksgiving is practically a national competition in overeating, followed immediately by food guilt. Cue the “I’ll start my diet Monday” chorus. A Psychology Today feature this month pointed out that body dissatisfaction spikes around holidays that center on food, especially for women who already struggle with self-esteem. Interestingly, the same research found that practicing body gratitude — focusing on appreciation for what your body does, not how it looks — significantly reduces self-criticism and shame (Psychology Today, 2024).

And while we’re at it, let’s acknowledge the absolute circus that is family dynamics. Nothing quite activates your inner child like returning home for the holidays. One minute you’re a 30-something adult with a mortgage and a mental health degree, and the next you’re arguing with your brother about who Mom loves more. Psychologists call this regression — your brain temporarily reverting to old patterns when you’re back in familiar environments. Translation: you may find yourself reacting like your 16-year-old self who slammed doors and swore she was moving out.

But let’s pause before we collectively cancel Thanksgiving. Because, surprisingly, there is one part of the holiday that genuinely helps your mental health: actual gratitude — the quiet, authentic kind that doesn’t involve a performative list or a viral “thankful challenge.” Research from Harvard Health Publishing found that people who practiced genuine gratitude experienced better sleep, improved mood, and even stronger immune systems (Harvard Health, 2021). Gratitude works best when it’s specific, truthful, and personal — not a checklist. You don’t have to write “family” if your family is complicated; you can say “I’m grateful for the five-minute car ride where I got to breathe.”

And that’s what makes this season tricky — it asks us to show up for both our joy and our pain. Gratitude isn’t about pretending everything’s fine; it’s about noticing what’s still good amid what’s not. It’s acknowledging that life can be beautiful and brutal in the same sentence.

If you’re dreading Thanksgiving this year, maybe you give yourself permission to lower the bar. Gratitude doesn’t have to mean full emotional enlightenment — sometimes it just means noticing that you made it through another year that tried to eat you alive. It means savoring a piece of pie without apology. It means saying no to things that make your nervous system flare up. It means leaving the table early if that keeps your peace intact.

Because despite what every sentimental commercial says, gratitude isn’t about perfection — it’s about perspective. You don’t owe anyone a performance of thankfulness. You owe yourself honesty, rest, and a little grace.

So if your Thanksgiving looks more like quiet reflection and Netflix than matching pajamas and gratitude speeches, that’s not wrong — that’s real. You can be grateful and overwhelmed. You can love your family and want to avoid them. You can enjoy the food and still feel weird about it later. You’re human.

At the end of the day, the real spirit of Thanksgiving isn’t found in a Hallmark moment — it’s found in the messy middle, where we admit that gratitude and grief can sit at the same table. You don’t need perfect pies or perfect feelings to belong here. Just a little awareness, a little humor, and the courage to be real.

Because, let’s be honest — the turkey might be dry, but your emotional growth? That’s juicy.

Sources:

• American Psychological Association. (2023). Holiday Season Stress Report.

• Journal of Happiness Studies. (2024). Performative Gratitude and Emotional Authenticity.

• National Alliance on Mental Illness (2023). Holiday Mental Health Trends.

• Psychology Today. (2024). This Thanksgiving, Be Grateful for Your Body.

• Harvard Health Publishing. (2021). Giving Thanks Can Make You Happier.